“I should not be here. I have shamed myself,” he told me, referring to the stain on his pants. He was looking at the ground.“Ahmed, look at me. Look at me!” I waited until he lifted his eyes to meet mine. “That is nothing. You will shame yourself only if you do not come back.”He took a second to mull that over. “I was so scared when I saw those planes and the explosion. I could not control myself.”“Ahmed, do you think I had no fear?”He looked confused at that. “Of course! You are a very brave man! You have no fear!”I smiled. “Ahmed, I am as afraid as any other man in this camp. To be brave, you must first know fear. Bravery is simply not letting your fear rule you. All brave men are afraid, we just don’t care. If you come back, then you are brave, too. Now, go change and bring me a clean uniform. Thank you.”He looked confused at that, but he moved away and left. I just sat there and zoned out for a bit. My leg was throbbing, and my arm began to burn, and my face hurt. Eventually,. I usually leave about five o’clock in the morning and rarely return until maybe seven o’clock in the evening. When you have nothing to come home to, you’re never in a big rush to get there.For several days, I slowed down passing in front of Beth’s, hoping to see her outside or perhaps in her vehicle. By Friday morning I still had not heard from her or run into her at home. I decided that I would call her when I got home that evening. All that day work seem to drag on, my mid wandering on my problem. I decided to stop on the way home and get some takeout, take an early shower and stay in.After getting out of the shower, I ate my dinner while watching TV, as I usually did. I kept staring at the cell phone trying to get up the nerve to call her. Finally at about nine o’clock that evening I called. The phone rang several times then I got her recorder.“Hey Beth, this is Jeff. I haven’t heard from you all week, I hope you’re ok, call me when you can.”Several hours passed and nothing. Now I.
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